(English is a more widely used language. Sorry though, that Google Translate didn't work well here.)

well, yesterday was the "Botany Ball" 2012.

meaning/aim of me attending the ball

i decided to go to the ball simply because everyone around me either/both goes or/and suggests me to go. in this case, i didn't actually have my own opinion by decision time.

later, after i have bought the ticket, i thought: i decided to go just in order to know-by-experiencing what a ball is (, and how that compares to the HMUN "delegate dance" i've been in). i wanted to try people's ways of what's-called "having fun". i wanted to see just how well i would fit in (and how well i would seem to fit in, in other people's perspectives).

with those thoughts in my head - well, that and a what's-called-a "ball partner" who happens to be Michelle - i stepped out of my uncle's car by which i was dropped off.

why i liked being there

i would say that i didn't feel like going onto the floor at first; neither did my most-quiet "ball partner" Michelle. awkward as it is, we strolled around the ball room, watching people jumping up and down, waving their hands in the air, but just returned to our table in a corner of the room and sat. but not much later, (i encouraged myself to get started by) encouraging Michelle to go onto the floor, i said, "if you don't feel like yourself (to 'dance'), just pretend that you're having fun!" Really i was trying to talk to myself though.

so i started waving my hands with the beats, with the thought that i "pretended that" i was having fun. anyway, that got both me and Michelle on the way (at least that's what i thought). soon enough, i think that i might just be actually having fun myself. and Michelle? well, i would say: "you've learnt some dancing before? no wonder!"

moments ago, i was still noticing people around the back of the room and beside the bar counter and elsewhere. a while later than that, i (or say i started trying that i) didn't longer care about people not on the floor. i tried to move my body, in a clumsy manner though, and tried not to care about what people might think about it. a good thing was that perhaps on that floor was one of the few situations that i would (or say learn to) rock to the beat. sure enough that if it wasn't in that room on that night, i must've looked like a silly idiot. i sort of get it: the meaning of hopping up and down and waving hands on the floor - or 'dancing' as some may put it - was that you didn't need to care about other things.

in a point of view, that's a nice thing.

why i didn't like being there

as a first-timer (with a bit more attention to things than average), i might've recognized things that would be either "insight" or turn-downs, depending on one's point of view. sometimes when the DJ switch tracks and the beat changes, i sort of feel like stopping down and retrieving from the floor. some guys i saw just looked around randomly and mechanically rocked their hands back and forth. as expected, people that are onto it had everything else behind their heads, and just rocked and jumped like frenzy, while people who are near the edge of the floor seemed to be down and just talked to each other. changes in emotion are way sharper than they would be elsewhere.

by about just eleven, i feel like that i might have had about enough of it. i actually kept on reaching-up and bouncing just in the manner of imitating others (i.e. because others are doing so). the point is not to care about anything, as i stated above, so it really made sense on the floor only with the lights are out. but "not caring about things", or say "losing your mind", is not what i wanted. people may feel like it when they're in it; but i believe those who go alot would most likely have a different opinion. would you say that the price of the ball was only that $90? perhaps not.

after all, it isn't only a means of fun. it would work equally well as a form of escapism. from anything, maybe. thought i'd better keep my head clear.

magical moments

despite any of the turn-down's, i still claim that i had a great time that night; and the $90 paid off. quite certainly for me, i felt subtle feelings now and then throughout the night.

when i saw Miguel with his tie loose and rocking and having a good time. by that time i wasn't onto it yet, and just squeezed through the crowd. so he instructed me: "put your hands in the air!" i think that's what'd really got me started. (later i learnt that he didn't come with a partner though. guess it's his experiences back in Peru, and perhaps the natural enthusiasm of a south-american.)

when i met Bhavneet/Gonza/Swati on the floor. i think i surprised them by how committed i am (or "seem to be". whatever). i don't know exactly why, but when i saw these friends that i know dancing on the floor, i do have felt a sort of compulsion to join the fun by oscillating in phase. sort of got turned on.

when Michelle held my hands and did a bit of sasa or some other moves. well, i ain't actually sure how i felt, but i would say that the first time to "dance with a girl" wouldn't be an ordinary experience.

when i lost the mood a bit when i was on the floor. i random girl next to me perhaps noticed that i weren't moving so quite much, so she yelled at me while waving her arm: "c'mon put your hands in the air! wooo!" i had this similar feeling when i met friends i know on the floor. the feeling of a reacting chemical substance making contact with a catalyst.


the best question to determine whether or not one has enjoyed something, was as always: "would you go again?" In this case, i would think for (literally) two seconds and say "yes". it is rare that everyone gets together and have a good time, regardless of what we're doing. i would conclude that in order to decide whether or not your $90 was worth it, just check if your shirt is wet by sweat!

it was worth going; i would go if there were another chance. but since the more friends you have, the better would the "ball" experience be, i surely didn't have the best time there is! and, yeah, a non-made-up partner would be nice also.

anyway, i'm sure it'll work out much better next time.